Before I Do (Part III)

Abruptly awakened from a nightmare, they'd become normal lately. No matter how I'd mentally try and escape my past, it had a funny way of coming back around. When I was younger my mom was in an abusive relationship and assuming when she changed the locks that would be a sign of good riddance; it backfired. Angrily, trying to get into the house he ripped off the window cover as I laid helpless and afraid in my mothers lap he broke the window and when it gets to that point I wake myself up. I went to see a therapist, and before I assumed they were dreams but they weren't. Reliving that moment still gave me the same amount of fear as there was then. I began to wonder if that's why my mother was so difficult with me, or why she didn't mind telling me how she felt; maybe she was making up for the times I've seen her as a victim. Either way, i couldn't sleep that night. Kevin was sound asleep again. I just caught up on patient cases, looking at the next procedure; waiting on a call, ANY call. Just to escape my memory. As the sun came up, Kevin finally did too. Seeing him lit a fire in my chest. As soon as I kissed Kevin neck the phone call i wanted at 4 am came through. Nadia called, but Kevin and I had been on different shifts and I desired his body. I deserved it. I put the phone on silent and began intimately kissing his soft brown lips, gripping his arms begging God he didn't stop. He grabbed my hips and aggressive put me on the counter. He began eating his breakfast, climaxing and greeted with a kiss. Kevin had a method that made my body go into convulsions. Feeling every vein and feeling that spiritual connection gave me a nearly an invincible feeling. As he gripped my neck harder with his face in my chest we reached the ending. We then showered together, after the shower I checked my phone. I had 16 missed calls and two voicemails. I began to listen to the voicemails and she was crying, I couldn't make out what she was trying to say in the first one. The second voicemail, all she said was sorry. I called her back and when she didn't answer, Kevin and I headed to her place. It seemed that Clay worked last night. No one opened when we knocked I began to panic and Kevin had a spare key. I ran inside searching for Nadia, she attempted suicide. She had a letter addressed to Kevin and I. I called 911 notifying them of the incident and that we would be bringing Nadia into the hospital. She had a weak pulse, but that was better than none. Kevin began CPR as i went to get the car together. In complete fear we ran into the hospital requesting a stomach pump. Falling into Kevin's hands, questioning what if I answered! Thinking why'd she call me, Nadia was a great person but we weren't the best of friends. Praying she'd pull through, Clay come over sobbing so hard and ran to Kevin.I could only feel terrible for him. Greeted by one of our friends, Doctor Thomas said she was gone. I could only think why. Why'd she leave me a letter, what was so wrong, why did I not answer. Praying God showed mercy and granted her access into the gates. Clay lost his mind, screaming he should have been home. I offered Clay a ride to his place to grab clothes, so that i could get my hands on that letter she wrote. What was her dying notification? Kevin and Clay sat in the back I texted the girls that Nadia was no longer with us, and to meet at my place. Clay smelt that of alcohol and a funny fragrance. I didn't mention it, just prayed God covered him. Running upstairs to the letters, I didn't feel the need to hide them. Clay made it a big deal saying she wasn't in her right mind when he left so i should just discard the letter. It was all I had of her, so I couldn't just ignore her. I sat in the car waiting on them to grab clothes. Looking at the envelope thinking should I read I now. Waiting on the girls to arrive I began drinking like a fish. Clay was beyond drunk and blabbing about her being a bitch and she didn't deserve him and she didn't die 12 hours ago. Katrina and Bria arrived together face full of tears. I told them how Clay was talking and to prepare themselves. I told them about the letter hoping it would give me a sense of relief, Katrina wondered why didn't i read it. I opened it because we could all be one another support, right? As I began to read the letter my sadness turned into anger. I went up to Kevin crying, cussing and hitting him. The girls came over wondering what was the confusion, EMBARRASSED I just handed him the letter. Asking was it true, one of many reasons why I married Kevin was because I knew when he was lying and when he was telling the truth. He tried to lie and i just stopped him. I didn't tell the girls because i was ashamed I didn't know this before i said I do. I couldn't even form my lips to say it. Nadia was probably better off that i was. It all began to click Nadia crying all the time, Clays obsession with making sure Kevin stayed clear of his students, why he was so hard on me, why Kevin had a KEY! They werent just best friends, Kevin and Clay were having an affair. (To Be Continued..)