Broken Glass Still Glitters

Broken Glass Still Glitters  Shanice Robinson

I forgive you but in that forgiveness I have to forgive myself and understand ... this isn’t my battle I chose this fight and it was never mine to enter; I settled because I was afraid God wasn’t hearing my prayers, or that Gods timing wasn’t good enough and in all of that I made you my God, I idolized you.. until you hurt me; then I forgive you then repeat the cycle every single time and in that forgiving you’d blame me for something I did years ago and because I didn’t forgive myself for it; you held it over my head like a glass chandelier on its last string but finally I relied on God and said, do it! Cut the string because no matter what mistake I made in my past I forgive me, and I now forgive you; so either you cut the string and kill me or I will walk away because I’m not longer afraid of what that glass can do because the God I serve can still make me out of the broken glass; but remember broken glass still glitters! I no longer worship God because it’s a chore I worship God because I need him more than he ever needs me and he loves every broken piece in my heart, mind, soul & spirit ! I will no longer abuse myself when I’m not with you because I’ve grown so accustomed to the feeling of it; I have to move forward.. I will no longer stand in the same place due to fear; God did NOT give me the spirit of fear but of POWER, love & a sound mind ; I will not be a victim of my past because I’m sound in my mind to know I am forgiven; I love you as I love myself but I can also separate from those things that don’t glorify God; I have the power to do so, God said so in his word..so if you forgive me, that’s fine if you don’t it’s your funeral. I didn’t understand what Mrs. Colbert said to me.. dead men down have feelings but in time it ministered to me it keep me up wonder what ever did she mean God, I NEED A WORD... but it wasn’t TIME because I wasn’t ready to move on faith that last string was scary and I didn’t know how it would end, I was scared because I didn’t know what death felt like I didn’t want to die I was scared to die..Afraid to call out in fear of what people would think; I woke up and realized I wasn’t even living I was just there... no progress no moving no effort just scared and there.. I was already dead.. I just didn’t know it yet; so if I was gonna die I was gonna die right , and die to Christ because my last cry out before I committed suicide was me dying to myself and living for you ; you became my God.. but I realize soon enough I died for the wrong God.. but I’ve learned to forgive myself for that .. standing still for so long you have plenty of time to think, so thank you for keeping me still to notice these signs in the future. I’d be lying if I said I enjoyed this time, however it was very informative. Now, I think it’s time I get to living. May he be a lamp onto your feet and light on your path as he has been in my darkest hours. I’m no longer on bending knee begging for freedom from captivity, Christ did it so I wouldn’t have to. I’m no longer crying in the dark wonder when will he let me go, I’m leaving.. even if it kills me. I prayed for an anointing so either I’ll do it in this life or the next. I’ll still shine 🖤